


You Wanna Be Loved

by yours_sincerely_lou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Fluff, Insecure Louis, M/M, One Shot, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Louis, Supportive Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:10:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10520958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yours_sincerely_lou/pseuds/yours_sincerely_lou
Summary: Harry goes out for the night and Louis is left to fight off his demons alone. The voices in his head take over and Harry tries to pick up the pieces of Louis' shattered soul.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Possible Trigger Warning !!  
> I wrote this little one-shot at a time in my life when I was seriously struggling with suicidal thoughts and the addicting urges of self harm. Now, two years later, after seeing how many people have read and appreciated this piece, I want to take a moment to say that if any of you are struggling with mental illness, you are not alone. I am incredibly flattered by the praise I have gotten from you all but I want it to be known that I do not glorify or romanticize the very real struggle of self harm, and I want anyone who reads this fic to know that they are not alone and that they have allies in this battle and if they ever need support, I am here and I understand what they're going through. No one should go through life alone.
> 
> I love you all. Please take care. xx

Harry was out at a club with Nick and Louis had promised he'd wait up for him. It was almost midnight, but Louis expected Harry to be gone till 2 or 3 AM. he waited on the sofa, with some godawful American late night television show blaring through the speakers.  
He wasn't really paying attention however, he was too focused on the voices in his head, the ones that always spoke to him when he was alone like this. The ones that told him he wasn't good enough, that he didn't deserve Harry, that Harry didn't love him, that no one could love him. The voices that tore at his heart and tried to ruin him when he was most vulnerable. The voices were there now, whispering the things he least wanted to hear. _'He doesn't love you Louis. You don't deserve his love. He's better off without you, happier without you.'_

Louis took in a sharp breath and fumbled to turn off the tv. His hands were shaky and cold. He knew what the voices wanted him to do, knew what that urge was. But he couldn't. He'd promised Harry he would stop. He was clean. He couldn't relapse. Not now.

_'He doesn't care Louis. Why would he care? He doesn't love you.'_ His hands shook and his heart was racing. He cradled his head in his hands, tugging at the hair, pleading with the voices.

"S-stop. Leave me alone." He fell to the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks as he stumbled to his feet. "Leave me alone," he pleaded.

_'Do it Louis. You know you want to.'_ He collapsed to the floor of his bedroom, fumbling blinding in his desk until his fingers found the small plastic object. He searched through the desk, looking for something to remove the little screw holding him back. There was nothing between him and the blade but a tiny screw. His hands were shaking and his breaths were coming in short bursts now.

_'Come on Louis. Almost there. You'll feel better.'_ The voices were urgent now. The screw fell the the floor and Louis' shaking fingers picked up the newly free blade gently. The cool metal sent a shock through his body as he held it between his fingers.

He took a deep, shuddering breath before pulling the blade across his skin. The sting of the cut barely noticeable over the excited voices in his head and the ache in his heart.

_'Do it Louis. He won't care. He won't even notice.'_ The blade flicked across his wrist four more times before he heard the front door open loudly in the quiet house. His wet eyes widened in panic. Harry.

He hurried to wipe the blood that was trailing down his wrist off with a tissue before tossing the blood-stained cloth and the blade in a waste bin. He struggled to wipe the tear stains off his cheeks before he heard Harry's voice calling through the flat.

"Lou? I'm home." His heart pounded as he searched frantically for a sweater to cover the fresh wounds on his arm. Settling on one of Harry's, he pulled the sleeves down over his palms and closed his fingers over the hem.

The door to their bedroom opened suddenly and a very concerned Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere babe." Harry breathed as he wrapped his arms around Louis from behind, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck. Louis flinched as Harry's hands found his. Harry froze. He could feel Louis shaking in his hold and knew something was up. He gently held Louis' upper arms and spun him around so he could see his face.

His eyes sparked with immediate concern as he took in Louis' tear-stained cheeks, bloodshot eyes, and nervous frown. He reached up to stroke his cheek softly as he whispered "What's wrong sweetheart?"

Louis shrank away from his touch, feeling suddenly ashamed of his relapse and instinctively pulling the sweater further over his wrists.

Harry caught the gesture and froze once again. "N-no... Lou you...you d-didn't." His hands found Louis' and grasped them desperately.  
Louis couldn't look at him. His eyes fell to the floor as he waited for Harry's reaction. Harry's warm hands gently pulled the sleeves up and he let out a strangled sob. Louis still couldn't look at him, afraid of his reaction. He bit his lip, hearing nothing but Harry's ragged breathing.

Then he heard a soft thud and looked up at Harry, startled. Harry had fallen to his knees in front of him, cradling the wounded arm in his hands as silent tears streamed down his face. "Why baby? Why do you do this to yourself?" he asked, as if pleading for an answer.

"I-I'm not g-good enough for y-you." Louis stuttered.

Harry let out another strangled sob and tugged gently on Louis' arm, pulling him closer. "You," he pressed a feather-light kiss to Louis' wrist. "Are," his lips ghosted over the first cut. "Absolutely," he lightly pecked the second red mark. "Perfect," he kissed the third. "For," he glanced up at Louis as his lips pressed against the deepest cut. "Me." He kissed the final cut softly. As he pulled away his eyes stayed trained on the five lines across Louis' wrist. Louis' fingers caressed Harry's jaw as he tilted Harry's face up towards him. His eyes were watery as he looked into Harry's.

"You're so perfect, Louis." Harry breathed. Tears welled in Louis' eyes again and he tried to blink them away but they continued to stream down his cheeks. Harry rose from his kneeling position, holding Louis' hands in his, and sat on the edge on the bed. Louis watched numbly as Harry guided him to stand between his spread legs.

He gazed into Harry's eyes sadly. Harry guided one of his hands to rest on his cheek, the other at the back of his head. He placed his own softly on Louis' hips. His gaze then met Louis'. He looked so innocent, sitting there with his face cradled in Louis' hands.

"I love you Louis. Exactly the way you are." Louis pressed his lips together and blinked his eyes, willing himself to stop crying.

"I love you too," he breathed, barely audible.  
Harry smiled softly. "Kiss me like you wanna be loved," he sang out sweetly, his eyes glowing with that childlike innocence.

Louis' eyes flicked down to his lips for a moment before looking back into his eyes. Harry nuzzled into his hand gently, encouraging him. Louis rubbed his thumb gently over Harry's cheek, leaning into him slowly. Harry's eyes watched Louis' lips as he leaned closer. Before their lips touched, Louis froze. He gazed into Harry's eyes with a sudden fear. Harry's hands rubbed gently against his hips in an attempt to reassure him. Louis' eyes flicked down to his lips again and Harry lifted his head to capture Louis' soft lips in a sweet, passionate kiss. Louis' fingers tangled in Harry's curls as Harry deepened the kiss.  
After a moment of sweet passion, Harry pulled away and looked up into Louis' eyes. "I love you Louis, with all my heart. I'd never leave you." Louis closed his eyes for a moment, before his lashes fluttered and he looked deeply into Harry's eyes.

"I love you too Harry, more than you could ever imagine."


End file.
